Dawn's Notes
Decembers - December 2023
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW
When I was a child in Tennessee, it seemed like Christmas would never come. A few days before Christmas, we would go to the pasture with our daddy to choose a Christmas tree. He would cut it down, and we would take it back to the house. He would level the base of the tree and attach it to our old homemade Christmas tree stand. We would decorate our tree with the same decorations that we diligently preserved from year to year. We had strings of candle-shaped bubble lights that lit up and bubbled after they were plugged in—fun to watch!
After decorating our tree with garland and ornaments, we draped our old tinsel ice sickles on our tree, one by one, making sure there were no bare spots or too many close together. Then we would stand back to inspect! On Christmas Eve each of my siblings and I would choose a spot in the living room for Santa to leave our goodies. Then we would go to bed and try to go to sleep, excited that we would have some gifts from Santa the next morning. Santa always got it right! Even though most of our gifts were practical, we were still delighted to get them—clothes, socks, or pencils—we were always grateful!
But one particular Christmas was more memorable than others. That year our parents had warned us that there might not be any gifts because there was no money—a sad thought for children. But on Christmas Eve morning, when my mother went to the mailbox, there was a Christmas card with a twenty dollar bill from our Uncle Douglas and Aunt Ruth in California.
Our sadness turned to joy when my mother and oldest sister went to a nearby town to shop. Since it was Christmas Eve, the stores had reduced their prices, and it was amazing how much that twenty dollar bill bought! It was a memorable Christmas—one of our best—and we always believe God had a hand in it since the timing was so precise!
On Christmas mornings, instead of breakfast, we had bananas, tangerines, and pecans—as many as we wanted! Our mother did not cook breakfast which usually included a big pan of homemade biscuits. It was her only day off all year! My siblings and I will never forget our Christmases together. And as the years rolled by, we left home, were married, and had our own children. Then we started our own Christmas traditions.
Our daughter Misty started a new Christmas morning tradition for our family. As she opened her gifts, she put every clothing item on over her pajamas, layer by layer—all at the same time. Since our girls mostly received clothing, Misty had plenty of items to dress up in. She might put on socks and shoes, then a hat, a new nightgown, a scarf, and gloves. Every time she added another item, we all laughed—it was so funny!
It was amazing how fast our children grew up. And when our children began celebrating Christmas with their own little ones, Christmas mornings changed at our house. Then after my husband died, I faced another adjustment without him. Shortly after he died, I heard a song on the radio with the words “cold, gray days of December.” For years, those words stayed in my head. I finally found the song “Even Now” sung by Nana Mouskouri. Here are a few of the words:
“Even now, each night, I remember
Days of summer when blossoms filled each bough
In the cold, gray days of December,
My darling, I miss you even now.”
Lyrics by Ted Cunningham
I still miss the feeling of togetherness around our big dining room table when our entire family was home after the grandchildren were born. I remember the food, the music, the old player piano, laughter, and stories during the “summertime” of our lives, “when blossoms filled each bough”—when life was full and happy! The holiday season may be difficult after a major life change, and our memories can still bring tears in those “cold, gray days of December.” But perhaps our memories are reminders that we lived our lives well in our “summer” years.
I am thankful for my past years. The “spring” when I met my husband; the “summer” when our girls were born and grew up; the “autumn” as we grew older and he became ill; his “wintertime” season when he died. Even though there have been difficulties, I have been blessed in all my seasons. My forty-three wonderful years with my husband helped mold me into the person I am today. As Dr. Seuss said, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Cherish your memories, and honor your loved one’s life by how you live yours, even during your “Decembers.”
Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty, Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225
Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator