Dawn's Notes

Living Life after Loss
November 2007

Dawn Thoughts…. ABOUT GRIEVING
I would like to take you on a "pretend" walk. You are walking down a path, the sun is shining, the birds are singing. BUT, in an instant, there is an explosion! A massive explosion that knocks you off your feet, and the tears stream from your eyes due to a pain in your chest! You feel helpless, you hurt, and your heart aches. The pain is so great you think your heart might not withstand the pain of the moment. BUT you find the pain is temporary. You are wounded, but still alive. You pick yourself up; you wipe away your tears; you continue down the path. The sun still shines, the birds are still singing. If you are grieving over the loss of a loved one, you may relate to the pain which may be brought about by the reminders, the memories of the one you loved. The reminder might be something you see, hear, or even smell. I call these explosions /"*emotional* *landmines"*/---my own term for it!

The "landmines" go off when least expected. They wound, but not mortally. My first landmine after my husband of 43 years died was when his old cap fell off of a shelf above the washing machine in front of me. The reminder that he would never wear that cap again hit me, and I cried out in pain. The tears streamed; I cried out loud, alone! The next was when I received an advertisement for grave markers in the mail. It was a reminder that he was dead---a harsh reminder that I would never see him again. Again, I sobbed due to the piercing pain.

If you have lost someone you loved, you may relate to what I have just tried to describe. Maybe a song came on the radio and BAM!---an explosion. It hurts, you cry! Maybe you see clothing that reminds you of your loved one, or you see a sunset that reminds you of /your/ sunsets together. The effect is the same. I still cannot listen to certain songs such as "I Will Always Love You" or John Denver's "Hey, it's good to be back home again" which my husband used to sing to each grandchild. I have spoken with others who have experienced a loss and have found that my experiences, my /"landmines,"/ are not unique. Just knowing they will occur may help you prepare (as best you can) for that eventuality. So brace yourself, know it probably will happen, and that others have walked the "path of the landmines" before you.

Dawn Thoughts…. ABOUT LIVING

How does one prepare for the reminders, the memories, or the "landmines" as I like to describe them? Some may prefer to /deliberately/ listen to songs, /deliberately/ face the memories head-on, to bulldoze right through them. If this is how you wish to grieve, then that is your choice. BUT if it is too painful to face the songs, the clothes in the closet, the photo albums for right now, then that is all right too. Grieving is an individual experience for each person. No rights, no wrongs!

I personally have avoided some of the pain. My heart hurts enough without purposely listening to John Denver's "Hey it's good...." But that is /my/ choice. I don't look at men's shirts in the store because it makes my heart hurt. So I make choices to help me move on, to live. Gradually the "path" is getting easier. Hopefully, your "path" will soon become easier too. And the sun will shine more often, and the birds will sing a bit more joyously. *