Dawn's Notes

Living Life after Loss
September 2007

Dawn Thoughts…. ABOUT GRIEVING

The stages of grief, according to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, include the following: Denial and Disbelief, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance (remember, DABDA). These stages may not occur in this order or a person may not experience all of the stages or the stages may be repeated more than once. The grieving person may be surprised by some of the emotions he or she may be experiencing!

If you have loved deeply, most likely you will grieve deeply when someone you love dies. You may feel like your heart is going to break and have an intense longing for your loved one. You may feel so alone! You may feel like the hurt will never get better. IT DOES GET BETTER! The pain will lessen. Otherwise those ahead on “the path of grief” would not be surviving. You may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster with the ups, the downs, moments of happiness, then intense pain! This IS normal! And there is hope! Hang on! Just hang on! IT DOES GET BETTER! The ups and downs will soften and be further apart.

You are a unique person, so your grief experience will also be unique. It is your experience, and there are no rights, wrongs or absolutes. How you grieve and how you cope may not be how your friend grieved and coped. There is a song with words which go something like “Lean on me when you’re not strong. I’ll be your strength to help you carry on.” Right now it is okay to “lean” on those who love you. Let them help “carry” you—it’s okay!


Dawn Thoughts…. ABOUT LIVING

After losing someone that you loved so deeply, the main thing is to first decide you will survive. What is the alternative? The one you loved would want you to live, to enjoy life until the time you will be together again. Don’t waste a day. By now you’ve probably learned how precious life is!

Since the past cannot be changed, why not make the “the present,” today, as good as you can? Ask yourself, “What gives me pleasure?” What makes you smile or gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling inside? The song of a bird? The feel of sunshine on your face? Holding a baby? How about a walk or sitting outside to soak up some sunshine? Music? You may find that the kind of music you can listen to has changed, that some music may lift your spirits, but some may make you sad. You can choose (you are stronger than you think)—to listen or turn off the radio! The little pleasures will, at least temporarily, ease the pain in your heart. Go for whatever helps!

If a warm bath helps soothe your frazzled nerves, then head for the bathtub and soak a while. Exercise as simple as walking helps to produce endorphins that lift the spirits. Whatever it takes—plan to survive, to live. Soak up the love of your friends. Let them give to you; someday you will return the favor. Right now plan on nurturing your body physically with nutritious food (the deeper the color of fruits and vegetables, the more the nutrients.) And don’t forget about your “spiritual person.” Make a plan for living and go for it—LIFE IS ABOUT LIVING!