 |
| |
Dawn's NotesLiving Life after Loss Mathematically speaking, when /one/ is subtracted from /two/, the answer is usually one. It is as simple as that. But this is not true for one who is grieving the loss of a loved one. When a loved one dies, not only is the loved one gone (subtracted from) the lives of those remaining, but the ones left behind may experience multiple losses called secondary losses, with many other things being subtracted. For instance, a wife may die, and the husband may experience many additional losses such as the loss of someone to fix meals, someone to grocery shop, someone with whom to eat. When a spouse dies, the one left behind loses the identity of being a "couple" and sometimes may lose touch with other "couples" friends---a real secondary loss. When a husband dies, the wife may lose someone to make sure the car is maintained, someone to make repairs around the house, or lose their best friend. Losing a second wage earner may complicate finances for the one left behind, husband or wife, making the future seem even more uncertain. Not only does the one left behind experience the indescribable pain of losing their mate, but the spouse may find oneself grieving due to the many new secondary losses, complicating their grief work even more. When a child dies, it does not follow the natural order of life, making it even harder for parents. But regardless if one loses a child, a sister, a brother, a mother, a father, a good friend, no matter what the loss, those left can experience many secondary losses. ABOUT LIVING After the death of her husband and two-year-old son, Dawn Bailiff wrote a book entitled Notes from a Minor Key: a Memoir of Music, Love and Healing. She stated that "the ability to transcend loss is a condition of possibility." Ms. Bailiff moved on to a full, new, but very different life after the death of her husband and young son. Sometimes, after the death of a loved one, just getting out of bed and getting through a day is a real accomplishment! But, gradually, ever so gradually, the will to move on, the will to live, usually kicks in. Sometimes life style changes may even be necessary. But, if somehow the ones left behind can look at life as a potential for new possibilities, then maybe, just maybe, something good can result from a painful loss. Even though we cannot change the past and bring back the one we loved, we have a choice to live life in spite of death, in spite of new circumstances. We have a choice to look for a new dream, maybe even a new path, and to approach life as a "potential for new possibilities." You are invited to the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at: Thursday, March 6, 2008 Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator
|
