Dawn's Notes

Living Life after Loss
December 2007

Dawn Thoughts…. ABOUT GRIEVING

Christmas is fast approaching! Perhaps a time for roasting a turkey or ham, a time for Christmas trees and gifts! A time for fun! _BUT_ for those who have lost a loved one through death, the holidays may be a time of reminders—vivid reminders that the one you love is no longer with you. The house may seem empty, and there is an empty place at the table along with an ache in your heart.

The holidays may bring on an intense longing for your loved one. “Deck the Halls” and “Frosty the Snowman” may no longer cause you to quicken your step or to hum along while shopping! Instead, you may find yourself wanting to leave the store to get away from the fact your loved one can longer Christmas shop with you.

On your grief “journey” the bumps in the road may prove to be a big bumpier than normal at this time of year. But brace yourself for the ride! Yes, it may be a rough ride! But you can, you/ must/ “buckle up” and hold on! It will get easier!

Dawn Thoughts…. ABOUT LIVING

There are no rights or wrongs for grieving, just as there are no rights or wrongs for how each of us must spend the holidays after losing a loved one. Even though it may be a bit more difficult, it is possible to find some enjoyment in the holidays /in spite of/ the fact that your loved one is no longer with you. It may take a bit of forethought, some planning on your part to make it through the holidays.

The first Christmas after the death of my husband, our entire family gathered at Famous Dave’s for barbecue—a totally different, non-traditional Christmas which in no way resembled our past Christmases of turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes, Tennessee-style sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. Not even one food reminded us of past Christmases! Was there still a “hole” in our family without my husband? Without a doubt, yes! But the aches in our hearts were a bit less, and we talked and laughed /in spite of/ our situation! Did we plan ahead! Absolutely! Was it disrespectful to my husband? In my opinion, not at all! We still missed him, longed for him, and wished he had been with us. But we could not change our situation, so we moved on. A rough ride, yes, but we made it!*

You too may need to make a new plan for Christmas this year. Maybe you will find comfort in celebrating the same way you always did. If so, that is just fine! But also consider giving yourself permission to celebrate in a totally new, totally different, unheard-of way _IF_ you need to. Maybe even something more way-out than Famous Dave’s barbecue! Whatever that might be, please give yourself permission to get through the holidays in your own way, traditional or non-traditional! Whatever the case, right now, start thinking of how you plan to find joy on December 25^th ! The “ride” might be worth it!

On Thursday evening, December 6 at 5:30 p.m.
the Living Life after Loss Group will meet at Maury’s Restaurant
6th Street, Clay Center, Kansas
Each person will order from the menu or buffet. Hope to see you then!
(Sponsored by Meadowlark Hospice)

Dawn Thorn, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator