Dawn's Notes

Living Life After Loss
August 2008
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW

ABOUT GRIEVING

If you watched the Forrest Gump movie a few years ago, you will probably remember the famous lines: "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know just what you are going to get."

When offered a chocolate from a box of Russell Stover's, if you are like me, you may look them over carefully before making a selection. Quite an important decision! If the chocolate looks "bumpy," it might have nuts. If you are a "nut-lover," you may choose the "bumpy" one. If not, you may keep on looking, trying to decide just which one will taste the best. Maybe in the past you have guessed wrongly and munched into a chocolate that is too sweet, too gooey, too fruity-tasting. You may have said, "Ooh, yuck," but you may have eaten it anyway.

When looking at the chart inside the lid of a box of Russell Stover's chocolates, I noticed just how many choices there are: almond cluster, orange butter crunch, coconut cream, caramel, molasses chew, maplenut cream, raspberry cream, and the list goes on. If you do not like molasses or coconut and accidentally choose a molasses chew or coconut cream, you may have the "Ooh, yuck" response. You may be so disappointed. When choosing a chocolate, you may get to visually look the situation over and try to make a logical choice based on your previous "chocolate-choosing" experiences. But there may not be a chart to let you know exactly what you are going to get.

In real life, we may have no choices in some situations; we don't know just what we're going to get/! If you have experienced the loss of a loved one, your life may now feel insecure and unpredictable. The loss may have been unexpected and certainly not something you would have chosen. After a loss, a person may find oneself struggling to get control of life again and may feel like giving up on life. "So where do I go from here?" one may ask. After all, our lives have no labels, no charts, nothing to tell us what is wrapped up and waiting for us, as in a box of chocolates.

ABOUT LIVING

After choosing a "yucky-tasting" chocolate, did you totally give up on eating chocolates? Probably not. Even though the box may contain some "yucky-tasting" chocolates, you may also remember it also has some of your favorites, some really delicious ones! Such is the case when losing a loved one. Even though you may feel like giving up on life due to the intense pain in your heart, try to remember there are still may "sweet" things in life as well---children, grandchildren, friends, for instance. Even chocolate has its good side and its bad side. Research shows that dark chocolate is a powerful antioxidant which may help lower blood pressure if eaten in moderation, or it can be detrimental if eaten in excess or with certain health conditions.

So think hard before giving up on life. Even though losing your loved one may have caused you much pain, perhaps there are ways that you will also personally grow; maybe there will be lessons you will learn. Perhaps there are ways you will be a help to others in time---just give yourself some time. Yes, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know just what you are going to get." Hang on; don't give up on life! Even though some things may be bitter or "yucky-tasting," there may also be some really delicious chocolates waiting just for you!

Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty
Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225

Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator