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Dawn's NotesLiving Life after Loss Life is . . . . This sentence can be finished many different ways. A fun-loving person with positive life experiences may look at life as an adventure and say that life is fun. Some may say that life is precious, fulfilling or rewarding. One movie is entitled “Life Is Beautiful,” yet the movie takes place in a Nazi concentration camp. Even amongst suffering, the movie portrays something beautiful, the story of a father and how he kept his young son hidden and alive in the concentration camp, even though the father died at the end. Some may describe life as unfair, hard or scary. The answer to how one might finish the sentence “Life is . . .” will probably depend on who the person is, the person’s own life experiences, and particularly what the person is going through when asked the question. For one who has lost a loved one through death, life may not be beautiful, may seem unfair, and may be very painful! Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote a book called When Bad Things Happen to Good People, telling how his son died of “rapid-aging disease” two days after his fourteenth birthday. Their son Aaron literally grew old before the parents’ eyes and died of “old age” with the appearance of an old man. The rabbi searched for answers, trying to make sense of why his son died such a difficult death. His book concludes that we will probably never understand why bad things happen to good people. Rabbi Kushner stated in his book that he wanted “some blessing” to emerge from “Aaron’s pain and tears.” Through his writing Rabbi Kushner hoped that something good could emerge from the heart-wrenching experience. Immediately after the death of a loved one, “survival mode” may take over in order for a person to just survive and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually, hopefully, something good will come from the painful experience. ABOUT LIVING Before long, butterflies will return to Kansas and will flutter from flower to flower, extracting the nectar. But how do butterflies become strong enough to fly in the Kansas winds? Before a butterfly emerges, life begins in a warm cocoon which may be attached to a milkweed pod. The story is told of a man who found a cocoon in which a butterfly was trying to emerge from a very small opening. For several hours, the man watched as the butterfly tried to force its way through the small hole in the cocoon. When it seemed the butterfly could no longer make progress, the man decided to help the butterfly by taking a pair of scissors and snipping off the end of the cocoon. The butterfly emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small shriveled wings. The man watched the butterfly, expecting that the wings would enlarge and expand to support the body, enabling the butterfly to fly. But it did not happen! In fact, the butterfly could only crawl around with a swollen body and shriveled wings and was never able to fly. The man did not realize that the tiny opening was forcing fluid from the body into the wings of the butterfly so it would be ready for flight once freed from the cocoon. Sometimes our struggles and pain allow us to develop our own “wings.” When the pain is still so excruciating, it may be difficult to believe that life will ever be good again. If you are hurting, don’t push yourself too hard or too fast! Grief happens in different ways and at different speeds for those who are grieving. Just allow yourself to emerge from your cocoon when it is your time, when your “wings” are strong, and when you are ready to fly, ready to experience life in a different but fulfilling way. Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at: Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator
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