Dawn's Notes

Lord, Prop Us Up
December 2009
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW

In a recent hospice staff meeting, our director read an email she had received entitled “Lord, Prop Us Up.”  No author was given.  I have changed a few lines since I believe this article is fitting for those who are grieving, especially during the holiday season. 

Every time I am asked to pray,
I think of the old deacon who always prayed,
“Lord, prop us up on our leaning side.”
After hearing him pray that prayer many times,
Someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so fervently.

He answered,
“Well, sir, you see, it’s like this . . .
I’ve got an old barn out back.
It’s been there a long time;
it’s withstood a lot of weather;
it’s gone through a lot of storms,
it’s still standing.
But one day, I noticed it was leaning
to one side a bit.
So I went and got some pine poles
and propped it up on its leaning side
so it wouldn’t fall.
Then I got to thinking about that and
how much I was like that old barn.
I’ve been around a long time.
I’ve withstood a lot of life’s storms. . .
I’ve withstood a lot of bad weather in life,
I’ve withstood a lot of hard times,
and I’m still standing too.
But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time,
so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side,
‘cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning at times.
Sometimes we get to leaning toward anger,
leaning toward fear and uncertainty,
leaning toward doubt,
leaning toward loneliness,
leaning toward dread of the holidays without the one we love,
leaning toward a lot of things that
make life so hard.

So we need to pray,
‘Lord prop us up on our leaning side,’
so we will stand straight and tall again,
 during the holidays season.”

During the holiday season there may be many reminders of the one(s) who have died since they are a part of our most precious memories.  The loss of a loved one may leave quite a “hole” or vacancy in a family.   So you may need some extra “propping up” during Thanksgiving and Christmas.

If this is your first holiday without your loved one, you may have a strong feeling of dread, as I did after my husband died.  So I made plans to help myself cope at Christmas.
 
I let my sister know I did not want to spend Christmas in the same way or alone, and I ended up going to her house to spend Christmas—in Alaska at 35 degrees below!  I would have never thought of going to Alaska, especially in December, but she insisted. Scary to fly that far alone?  Yes, but what did I have to lose?

I still felt sad; I still missed by husband, but I made it!  When I got home from Alaska, our regular family Christmas meal was at Famous Dave’s Barbecue, totally different from our traditional turkey meal.  (For me, the dread of Christmas Day without my husband was worse than the actual day.) 

If you are one who needs a “little extra propping,” try to be deliberate in making plans for the holidays.  Tell your family or friends what you need—do what is right for you.  You know better than anyone what you need.  Making non-traditional plans for the holidays does not mean you love the one who died any less!  Your loved one would want you to go on with life. 

After a loss, you may choose to stay home, read a good book, rent a movie, or such.  Or you may choose to surround yourself with family or friends.  You are a unique person—there is no one else in the world just like you!  So you will probably grieve in your own way—no rights or wrongs

Look for ways to “prop” yourself up, doing something nice for yourself.  Or let those around you “prop” you up just a bit.  You are not weak; you are grieving.  The pain, in time, will ease—it does get better!   May God “prop you up on your leaning side” during this holiday season.

Lord Prop Us Up . . .   original

Every time I am asked to pray,
I think of the old deacon who always prayed,
“Lord, prop us up on our leaning side.”

After hearing him pray that prayer many times,
Someone asked him why he prayed that prayed so fervently.

He answered,
“Well, sir, you see, it’s like this . . .
I’ve got an old barn out back.
It’s been there a long time;
it’s withstood a lot of weather;
it’s gone through a lot of storms,
it’s still standing.
But one day, I noticed it was leaning
to one side a bit.
So I went and got some pine poles
and propped it up on its leaning side
so it wouldn’t fall.
Then I got to thinking about that and
how much I was like that old barn.
I’ve been around a long time.
I’ve withstood a lot of life’s storms. . .
I’ve withstood a lot of bad weather in life,
I’ve withstood a lot of hard times,
and I’m still standing too.
But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time,
so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side,
‘cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning at times.
Sometimes we get to leaning toward anger,
leaning toward bitterness,
leaning toward hatred,
leaving toward cussing,
leaning toward a lot of things that
we shouldn’t.

So we need to pray,
‘Lord prop us up on our leaning side,’
so we will stand straight and tall again,
to glorify the Lord.”

Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty
Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225

Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator