Dawn's Notes

“A Bumpy Ride”
April 2011
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW

One early December a few years ago, I flew to San Antonio, Texas, for a week-long training—from Kansas City to Dallas-Fort Worth, then on to San Antonio. The trip was pleasant and uneventful. The training was great, and in the evenings I enjoyed the river walk and the Christmas lights.

It was soon time to return to Kansas, and when I boarded the plane in San Antonio, it was raining. But our plane made it to Dallas-Fort Worth without problem.

When we arrived at Dallas-Fort Worth Airport, I had to change planes and boarded a plane headed for Kansas City. That plane was fully loaded—every seat was filled. I was assigned a seat in the rear of the plane—the very last row in the tail.

It was still raining, and the pilot came on the intercom and instructed the passengers to “buckle up.” He said, “Hang on! It’s going to be a bumpy ride!”

The stewardesses took their seats in the back of the plane near where I was sitting, and I heard then quietly discussing the weather forecast which did not sound good.

The plane taxied and took off into the pouring rain. Lightning flashed in the sky, and the winds blew! The pilot again came on the intercom and instructed all passengers, including stewardesses, to remain seated during the entire flight!

There would be no snacks, and no one was supposed to exit their seats for any reason—not even for a bathroom break. One man in the back of the plane defied the “don’t unbuckle” directive as he unbuckled and almost ran to the bathroom. He was pale, and I believe he was possibly sick to his stomach!

The plane bumped and tossed in the turbulence. The wild bucking movements of the plane were particularly pronounced in the tail of the plane, and I wondered if the tail would break off!

It really was a very bumpy ride, but we made to Kansas City and landed safely. We were a bit worn, a bit thirsty, and in need of bathroom breaks, but we made it, and we were thankful!

Five years ago, my husband died, and that was the beginning of a “bumpy ride.” If you are reading this, you too may be on a “bumpy ride” due to your loss. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and take away your pain and fears, particularly your loneliness, but I cannot.

What I might suggest:
1. “Grieving is not easy.”
2. “It’s going to be a bumpy ride, so buckle up, and hang on.”
3. “You can do this!”
4. “You have to—what other choice do you have?”
5. “Take care of yourself—eat as well as you can, drink plenty of water, and sleep as much as you can.”
6. “Give yourself time to heal at your own pace, in your own way.”
7. “Look for little things you can enjoy along the way.”
8. “Allow others to help you as your ‘plane’ bumps around.”
9. “It does get easier.”
10. “Life will be different, but life can be good again.” Yes, grieving can be a bumpy ride. Your “plane” may land a bit tattered, but you can make it! Storms do pass, and the sun is always shining above the clouds. It’s just hiding, waiting to peek through.

Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty
Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225

Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator