Living Life After Loss

Dawn's Notes

But, Madam, Don't You Wish You Could?
April 2010
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW

Many years ago I made a visit to the home of an elderly artist in Smith Center, Kansas, for a painting lesson. His name was Nelson Chubb; he has since died. During my visit Mr. Chubb related a story that I have never forgotten.

He told about a lady who visited him at his home to look at his paintings. As she looked at one of his outdoor scenes which included grasses by the roadside, the lady critically remarked, "I have never seen colors like that in the grass!"

The grasses in his painting included golds, browns, reds, and greens from Mr. Chubb's palette. To the lady's remark, Mr. Chubb said he had replied, "But, Madam, don't you wish you could?" He said that he felt sorry that she was unable to "see" the colors, the beauty in the grass.

Sometimes in life I believe we become so busy making a living, meeting the demands of life, we forget to look for the beauty "along the ordinary highway."   Sometimes it takes a "wakeup call," a tragic experience, to make us "see" what is really important in life.

After the illness and death of my husband, I struggled to feel the joy of springtime as before. It was difficult to delight in the ordinary wonders around me. If you too have experienced a tragedy or disappointment in life, you too may be struggling to find joy in living. But our hurts do not diminish the wonders, the beauty, around us.   Wonderful things are still there to see, to hear, to experience when we are ready, when our hearts have healed.

If you have survived an illness or tragedy, perhaps your visual acuity has been sharpened. Maybe you "see" what is important in life-how to appreciate life more fully.

I believe that I "see" a little more clearly than a few years ago, but I am still learning. Some things I have learned:

Work is not everything—other things are more important.
To say "I love you" more often.
To appreciate the love of my husband Tom, my family, and friends.
To marvel at the beauty of a rainbow.
To soak up the warmth of the sun on a cool day.
To feel awe at the majesty of a sunset even more than before.
To look at the delicacy of a wildflower up close.
To thank God for good health.
To appreciate simple things, God-made things.
To realize how precious each day can be.

Mr. Chubb's remark about the colors in the grass reminds me of the little trips that I made with my mother when she was alive. During our outings she enjoyed looking at the grasses beside the highway. She would exclaim, "Look at the grasses! Aren't they beautiful?"    We both appreciated "God's painting" with its splashes of color in the grasses along an ordinary Kansas highway.

Life is a precious gift which can so quickly be taken away. There are still things to learn, things to "see" in the time we have left on this planet.

If you have been unable to "see" the wonders of the world around you, unable to "see the colors in the grass," I challenge you to slow down and look. Yes, grasses, really are rich with colors-browns, oranges, greens, reds and golds!

I invite you to look-to see if I am right! Maybe, just maybe, you too will to see some reds and golds peeking through. If you, like the lady in my story, are unable to "see," I say to you, like Mr. Chubb, "But, Madam or Sir, don't you wish you could?"

Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty
Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225

Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator