Dawn's Notes

You Can't Stuff a Cat Down a Well and Other Lessons learned
April 2009
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW

I am from a family of seven children, second by birth order, and four years older than my sister Hope.  When I was about eight years old and Hope was about four, I vividly remember "The Cat Episode."  We were living in the country at the time where we had two wells—one for drawing water and a second well which consisted of an eight-inch-wide tube which protruded about two or three feet above the ground, a well which was not used.  

One summer day I remember watching Hope try to stuff our cat down the unused well.  For some reason Hope seemed to have an intense dislike for cats, so we were not surprised to see "The Cat Episode" unfold!  I watched as she tried to stuff the cat down the tube, head first, bottom first, sidewise or anyway she could do it!  She pushed, and the cat fought back!  She stuffed, and the cat protested!  The cat hissed and "yeowed" like you would never believe, scratching and fighting for dear life!  There was no way my sister Hope was going to get the cat down the well!  Lesson learned--that farm cat could not be stuffed down that well!

Recently, our grandson Will Thomas proudly announced to his mother Misty, "I just love to steal things!" as they were leaving the house of a family with four kids.  Misty was mortified and said, "What do you have Will Thomas?"

Will Thomas first replied "nothing" but then confessed to having a toy airplane which belonged to one of the children in the house.  Misty immediately marched Will Thomas back to the door where Will tearfully apologized for his deed and returned the airplane.  Lesson learned—it is not okay to steal anything, and if Will did steal and his mother found out, he would make amends! 

My husband Tom and I kept Will later that night, and the three of us watched a video called "Ratatouille" which Will had brought with him.  It became obvious that Will probably got his idea that it would be fun to steal from the rats in the story.  In the movie, the rats scurried around, stealing garbage, making it look like an adventure.  After the movie, I reinforced Misty's lesson to Will—it is okay for rats in the story to steal, but not okay for Will Thomas.

Other lessons learned.  Little Red Riding Hood learned the real grandma really did not have long ears and big teeth even though she was in grandma's bed.  She learned that the "grandma" in bed was really the Big Bad Wolf.  The lesson—sometimes in life we may have to beware of the Big Bad Wolf which may come in various forms. 

Another lesson.  After an acorn bonked her on her head, Henny Penny started a procession, proclaiming, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"  Goosey Loosey and Ducky Lucky dutifully followed along behind Henny Penny.  Lessons learned—the sky was not falling and sometimes things are not what they appear!  Don't always believe everything you hear and be careful who you follow! 

Lessons about money.  You cannot borrow your way out of debt, and it is better to "get" interest than to "pay" interest.  Life goes better when bills are paid first before money is spent on fun.  In order to keep a job, a person must go to work.  

  Lessons in Relationships.   If you give away hatefulness in life, you may get hatefulness back.  But if you give away kindness, you will probably get kindness back.

Lesson learned from hard knocks.   If you have gone through tough times, such as losing a job, having car trouble, or having a house destroyed, you will probably have more empathy for others going through similar experiences.   

Lessons learned from losing someone you loved through death.  You have probably learned how excruciating the pain of losing someone can be. You may have learned that there are many other secondary losses that result from losing someone you loved—no one to eat with, no one to talk to, no one to help with household responsibilities.  If you have lost a loved one, "things" may seem less important and your loved ones may be treasured more deeply.  If you have experienced an illness, your own health may become very precious.  Perhaps you have learned the importance of hugs and what to say or not say to someone who is grieving.  You have learned empathy.  You may have also learned that you are stronger and more capable than you ever thought you could be!  

Lessons in life will continue until the day we die.  It is up to us what we do with our lessons.  We can grow or shrivel up in fear.  So as you go through your lessons of life, try to get better, not bitter.  Use your experiences to grow even though there may be growing pains!  And remember, you probably can't stuff a cat down a well, not unless that cat, for some crazy reason, really wants to go for a swim! 

Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty
Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225

Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator